I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
