perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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