She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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