I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
