She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
