My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
