you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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