I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
