when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
