I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
