sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...