but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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