You're so nebulous sometimes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
