The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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