Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
