I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
