So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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