i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
