I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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