How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
