So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
