My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
