i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
