Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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