i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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