I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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