thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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