just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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