And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
