When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
