Do you still have your period?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
