Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
