My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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