I wannas sexs uuuuu
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
