If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
