After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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