What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
