Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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