I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
