I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
