Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
