I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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