Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
