OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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