I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
