1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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