On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Randomize
