I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
