just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Even my vagina gasped.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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