I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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