i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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