Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
