is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think my vagina is haunted
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
