and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
