I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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