I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
