piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
