I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
