i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
