you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
