I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
