An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
